Photoshoping reality

I love this photo set. I really do. Beverly is a great looking blonde with a great body. She claims she lost so many pounds on whatever diet this company is hawking. When I was a kid, and they’d (yes, they) would show some diet commercial on tv (it was always some buxom babe in a bikini climbing up the ladder of a pool) my Mom would ALWAYS comment those the skinny girls who claimed they were once fat were NEVER fat! The best ones were the fatty girls commercials they’d show on Univision. Those were great as the Mexican girl who weighed like 400 lbs now looked like Sofia Vergara.

Well…Sofia is actually Colombian and I think if I recall, shes wasn’t that skinny at times but whose complaining?

Ad execs could never sell a dime of a product if they used real people as models. We, the unwashed masses, are ugly. The models in the pix are good looking. A majority of people on tv, outside of Cops and reality tv are actual working models. Not all models are blessed like Giselle and co but are real people with extraordinary good looks; or, looks that define what a doctor, housewife, or football player looks like to the memory of the public. Think about it…there are all these war movies or tv dramas where you will see the same military officers or CIA guys as they are all casts as what Hollywood thinks these guys look like. And to the collective memory or belief of the public, those character models/actors are pretty good. What does George Clooney look like to you? How is he typecasted?

Damn–I already spun out of control with this blog…let me get back on track.

I doubt Beverly was ever a fatty. She is very attractive and I can’t believe she’d let herself get that fat. Photoshop is just amazing.

You can tell its not her body on the fat model just based on the lighting.

Back in the day…haha…I sound old, when airbrushing was king and photoshop was just just getting started in the photo world, Oprah, back in 1989 was featured on the cover of TV Guide…

…with her head on the body of another model…

Seems this photo of the model, Ann Margaret, was taken in like late 70s. According to the net, it was alleged that neither Oprah nor the model were aware of the head slicing. The public probably would never have guessed but who knew?

Working with the cast…what a pain!

So I got a last minute call do shoot a portrait for the NY Times of this local financial figure and they needed it shot the next morning before 2pm EST. Meaning the newspaper needed the shot no later than 10am Hi time. This is tough but always doable as its part of being a freelance/contract photographer. Like I’ve always said in the past, you are only as good as your last job. If you can’t shoot it on deadline, someone else will and there are countless kids with 5Ds, Alien Bees, and the ability to shoot by 10am. Mind you they might not be able to pull off the best shot and experience is always better than willingness for a majority of the photo world but surely, these factors will change and a once considered crappy photo will be de rigueur, no?

I should mention I only had limited time, limited budget, and limited movement to shoot a quick portrait of David, my financial guru at a local botanical gardens. I feel I got a shot worthy of any client and don’t know if I would have done better, cast or not. Yet, I was quiet pleased as were the clients. And thats all that matters. As long as the phone rings tomorrow, thats all that matters. As Tracey Woods always says to me, “its all about the benjamins,” even if the rates are small.

Onto the cast, the doctors said it was a major strain and prescribed me to not to wear the air cast (I’ve silently nicknamed it the “air i-Cast” as it has so many little doodads and what not…I mean its like the old Nike Air pump shoes…it comes with a little hand pump! I’m just waiting to download some iTunes to jam…) It is proving to be a pain as I have to maneuver myself around the silly cast. A slow, gimpy pace, plastic grocery store bags around the foot to keep it clean, off and on to drive, I mean come on! But a few more days to go before I go without wearing this suffocating device. It does help me walk better though as it keeps my ankle straight and supported. But its gonna be party time when I am finally off this son of a gun!

ITS NOT BROKEN!!!!

AHHH….After waiting for like forever at the hospital to see the specialist, the diagnosis was not a crack, just a major strain with torn ligaments, blah blah blah. Bad part is I gotta wear this silly boot like 24/7 for 10 days or so. I don’t know if I can handle it.

I gotta wear the storm trooper boot for like 10 days to bed, to eat, to whatever…i am already getting batty. I really am. My hip is hurting from like standing all uneven, gimpy-like.

9 days to go. Hey, I still got all that vicodin, though!

Dedication is only a word

On the third fairway as I scampered to catch Michelle Wie and that trio of golf goddesses, I remember mumbling about some damn volunteer and how he grabbed Jaymes Song and I and kept us from walking down a cart path cause the golfers hadn’t gone thru. I got really irritated and was just about to scream at him but he let go of us and I marched on. Our “under the ropes” media credentials always seem to fail the media when they are needed the most and usually, the good natured, power hungry senior citizens who volunteer to be security for these golf events always seem to irk the media one way or another.

Either way, I was grumbling about one thing or anther and before I knew it, I was crumbled over gasping for air as my right ankle found a small divot in the ground and twisted my ankle about 90 deg in the wrong direction. Mind you I didn’t dare drop or damage any camera but I did sit for about five minutes a bit disorientated about where I was, why my ankle hurt as such and wondering how far Michelle got.

I sobered up, slung the 400mm over the shoulder and marched on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YW32tLb0zb4

A bit Alec Guinness, a bit adrenaline, and a bit “I can’t let the giant or any other idiot take a shot away from me. And from my last post, you obviously know I soldiered on. I marched on covering the golf course feeling no pain or discomfort.

So after the final putt was put in the hole and everyone walked off the field, my ankle began to swell and pain like no tomorrow. I limped back to the media center and filed my images and doddered all the way home.

Now here is the fun part, my ankle swelled to the size of a golf ball and pained to walk on. I iced it and tried to get it under control on Saturday and Sunday. On Monday, there was little doubt I had a problem. The swelling didn’t subside and I knew it was time for a hospital visit.

Low and behold, I have a small hairline fracture and am now confined to wearing an air cast for a few weeks and popping Vicodin. Not a bad life with the pills and all. The docs said crack is pretty small and probably not too much of a problem but enough to get the works at the hospital…wheelchair, x-rays, ice packs, crutches and pills. I am a bit worried about the bill once I get it. I mean, can you imagine a ice pack for $129.74? I am guessing it doesn’t cost this much but I probably won’t be that that far from the mark.

The point of this blog is to show how dedication is only a word. When all the cards are down, you gotta keep marching on. You are only as good as your last job and any editor in the world will always look at you as such. If I had made a complete snap of my ankle I surely would have continued fearing bosses and the rest of my colleagues. Besides, I had to win. So if any of you are whining about the rain, ill tempered volunteers, or long distances, quit bitching. Soldier on and finish your job. The recession is gonna start taking jobs away from all of us. You can nurse your boo-boos once the job is done.

And if you are curious, I ended up telling that good natured power hungry volunteer off the next time I walked by him. I don’t care for people to be grabbing me and ordering me around if they are not law officers. Some golfers were about 100 meters away and he freaked out that I was in their site. He tried to grab me and yank me off the trail. I pulled away and gave him a few syllables, all polite of course. Don’t think he expected that…nether did I but I really don’t like being messed with when I’m loaded for work.

Oh and to really put my injury in perspective, I am not all that bad. I will probably be walking around by this weekend sans cast.